I was recently at one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve ever been to. Can’t say I’ve been to many but this one was very special. It wasn’t just because it was my son’s but because so much care was put into the entire event. I say event because that is the best way to describe it.
When I first received the itinerary for the day’s schedule I immediately went to the place of “over the top”. Being in the entertainment business I live on schedules especially when I am heading the department. Every day seems like unending lists of what to do to make the day. So when I looked at the listing of the wedding day I thought it was a bit much.
It has been so long since I have written a post. Just felt the need to take a break. Felt I was getting stale and wasn’t into writing. Quite frankly, felt I had lost the desire or love or need or whatever it is when you are afraid it’s just not good enough.
I have the problem a lot in my professional and personal life. Call it what you will it can be maddening or exhilarating depending on how you look at it. Even now as I try to write what I feel I am having a hard time putting into words what my feelings are saying. The conversation never seems to stop in my head.
Yes, I have tried meditation numerous times and continue to believe it will help quiet the voices. God knows I’ve practiced enough yoga in the 47 years since I first threw down the mat. I want to be patient, kind and positive in my thoughts. But the search for perfection seeps in and I feel somewhat lost. Not in an, I want to jump off a bridge lost but in an, I feel blue lost. It’s not all the time and comes and goes. I have times of sheer joy in just being healthy and alive but there are those moments or even days where I wish I was clever enough to write the next great American novel.
You would think with all of the electronic help we have nowadays I would be able to google an answer in how to reach perfection. In work. In life. In love. But alas it’s just a computer and doesn’t have the capacity to be human. I am the only one to have that capacity and should revel in the fact that I am able to have the luxury. Regardless of how imperfect it can be at times. Being human can be perfect.
“I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say, I love you.” William Shakespeare