Kris Evans – Styled Inside Out

I have meditated for many years. I first did Transcendental Meditation when I lived in London in 1975. I don’t know why I decided to go to the center but I did and found myself being instructed by a kind, quiet man in his early 30’s. I only say his age because he seemed so much wiser than his years and I wanted that at the ripe old age of 21. He gave me my mantra and told me to always carry it close just in case I needed it. To this day I still know it even though I haven’t practiced religiously.

I come and go in my meditation and often wonder if it is even working for me. I tend to be a “high energy” person (for lack of a nicer title than pain in the ass!). I can be demanding in my ways especially when it comes to fairness and respect. I still have a hard time understanding why with some people being rude and dismissive is a daily way of life but if I’m really honest with myself I find I can be that way as well. I try to recognize it when it happens, usually caused by feeling disrespected myself but I guess it’s all in how you look at it. I need to meditate on the fact that even though it is happening on the outside I need to stay quiet on the inside.

I started meditating again everyday whether it’s at 4AM or 4PM if only for 20 minutes. The hardest thing for me to do is turn the voices off in my head. I begin with the best intentions and then end up going over the next day’s plan or what my to do list should be. Sometimes I use my TM mantra and sometimes I use So Hum which means I am. The meaning of that will be for a different time as I could fill a book with that one. I am still trying to find out who I am and get more and more frustrated just trying to grasp it.

I thought I could come up with something that interests me enough to keep me occupied and content with knowing it is what I want to do the rest of my life. I still think meditating may help me with that path but so far nothing has really jumped out at me. Sure, I like to sing and do yoga and write but is that who I am? I love to teach and to guide people but I haven’t taken the leap to actually do that. I am still doing what I have been doing for many years and the sheer mantra in my head that I keep repeating is that of being able to make a living. The mantra of fear comes to mind and I am trying to cast that to the wind.

I read someone said they became an accountant even though they wanted to be a comedian. After a number of years they were fired from their job and came to realize that if they where going to fail at something they didn’t want to do they might as well try doing what they loved. Then if they failed at least they gave themselves the opportunity to know what doing what they loved was like. They at least seized the opportunity. I like that a lot.

So here I am about to embark on a 28 day excursion into the unknown. It will be filled with yoga, meditating, writing and discovery. It is not until November so I have awhile to meditate on that one. Who knows? I feel this may finally be my opportunity to discover the true meaning of So Hum.

I love books. I love the the physical feel of them. I love the places a good book can take me. I love looking at beautiful, well designed books that not only have interesting text but magnificent pictures that create a body of work that I can only experience when I am looking and reading them. When I walk into a bookstore I feel safe for some strange reason. I always learn even if it’s just flipping through and noticing something I haven’t seen before.

I am a visual person and very aware of design all around me. When I pick up a new, beautiful coffee table book I love to smell the paper to which the images have been printed. It’s an automatic reflex I have especially when I am in a museum bookstore. I’ve never been told I can’t do it and I know I am not the only one who has that peculiar habit. It makes me smile to myself just remembering being in a bookstore and seeing someone else enjoy the scent.

My mother had a six grade education yet always instilled in us the importance of reading. She had us memorize and use a new word every week to build our vocabulary. She knew she would never have the opportunity to have a formal education but she was determined that we did. Myself, two brothers and sister all have masters degrees. I guess it made us all feel it would enable us to survive. My sister and I are always exchanging articles from magazines or newspapers we think the other will find interesting. When we are together we always end up looking at the latest magazine or book we have just found and want to share.

I would be lying if I said I don’t get a lot of information from my computer but I will always have a stack of books by my bed. I will always have a large array of books spread throughout my house. I may not have read them cover to cover but I frequently used them for research and inspiration. I know it is more convenient to carry an Ipad or computer but I don’t get the same enjoyment that I do physically holding a book.

I love reading The Sunday New York Times. I try to read it cover to cover but it is difficult to get through when I have a busy week. Sometimes I will take an entire week or two to read it all. I don’t seem to really care that it’s old. I have my ritual where I start with the front page, flip through the world news and end that section with the obituaries. I love the obituaries. I have learned so much about what makes people tick by reading their mini biographies. Can’t say my life would be that much different if I didn’t know but I’d like to think it is richer. Then I move on to the Style section which has one of my most favorite sections. It’s called Modern Love which every week is someone’s slice of life of what makes their life special. The title may give the wrong impression that it’s about their love life. Sometimes it is but most of the time it’s about how an event changed them and made them more human. It often makes me think about my life in a different way. Ways that hopefully open my eyes to experiences I may have missed. Tender moments that go by so quickly.

But I think more than anything, with everything now so fast and furious in the tech world, taking the time to settle in with a good book in it’s pure, physical form helps me to take a moment. To escape to a new adventure without having to leave my home. To hold in my hands the actual book. Some habits never die. Learned that from a book.

There are so many ways to view travel. The most obvious way is going to a different place. A different city or country. Going somewhere different from where you live. Finding ways to experience new adventures, meet new people and expand your horizon. But recently travel to me has been something different.

I have done a lot of the traditional traveling because of my work. I have been to many places that were never on my list of things to do before I die. I have been to seven cities for the Olympics starting with Salt Lake City and every one after that including my recent trip to Russia. I have seen how a huge event can change a city and the people in it. How an economy can be so grim but have a venue that brings everyone together and for that brief moment pride for their country and their heritage can be read on every face.

Yet I also have traveled to places that aren’t having the Olympics at their doorstep and, although not as apparent, I still get a sense that people love their homes and are doing the best they can to make the most of it. I have had the opportunity to be just a tourist with no work agenda but not often enough. My co workers and I are like gypsies moving from place to place. We make a mark for a brief moment and then move on.

Sometimes that mark can be a bit disconcerting because the hours are long and the stress is high. When that happens I don’t really get to experience much of what makes that location tick. I move like the Tasmanian Devil whirling through only to stop for a brief moment, breathe heavily in and out to catch my breath and continuing my dust swirling path. At times it is exhausting, lonely and can reek havoc on your body and your mind.

From the outside it can seem glamorous. Yes, I have had many wonderful times at dinners and scuba diving trips and peeking through a gate to see a beautiful courtyard. And I have thoroughly enjoyed it. But I tend to remember more the times I have spent with my family at the Great Wall of China or walking the streets of Venice during Christmas. Because I am still with them and can share the adventures with them every time we see a picture or look at a souvenir we bought when we were all together.

I guess what I am trying to say is that as much as those adventures spent away on my own were amazing memories, they are different. They are my experience in a different context. My sister and I will reminisce about our travels we had as kids and laugh at the silliness of it all. We will look at pictures and remember wacky family members as well as the ones we still hold close to our hearts. And I find now that is what makes travel all the more vital.

I’ll be traveling to Bali by myself, not for work, but for myself. No family, just me. This will be another different way of travel for me. Really, my first. I’m hoping the memories I bring back will be one of self growth, self awareness and self love. Talk about an adventure…

Author: Kris Evans

Meditation

Books

Travel