Infinite

I wrote my first blog back in 2013 entitled Tribes. I talked about finding a group that you could hang with that would believe in you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself even when you didn’t believe you could. I can’t believe that it was written five years ago. So hard to believe the time has passed by so quickly. I thought then I would gather my tribe and would discover what I really was put here on this earth to do.

I have traveled and worked and searched and haven’t really found that group. Unfortunately, my work kept me away and disconnected from where I thought I wanted to be. I felt I was moving towards something that would give me the answer of where I wanted to be in my life. I now realize that I wasn’t ready to take the chance.

I recently listened to an interview with Simon Sinek who is one of my favorite thinkers and he has written a new book called The Infinite Game. I had written about him before and was so impressed by his way of looking at the world that when I saw he had written a new book I had to have it.

In it, he says our courage comes from being surrounded by people who believe in you even when you are filled with self-doubt. He says that when we work hard for something that we don’t want to do it’s called stress but when we work hard to do what we want to do it’s called passion. Ah, right you are Simon. It takes courage and strength to keep going even when you think you can’t.

I was so into my book and so ready to push forward until I asked for someone’s advice who I really respected. Their comments hit me hard but they were honest and right on the money. I needed to dig deeper. I got caught up in the story and not in the emotional reason why. I took the finite route. I took the direction of safe instead of the direction of passion. I realized now I wasn’t ready to go to that place. So I’m going back to the drawing board and write from my gut.

That’s what the infinite game is. It’s pushing for the truth and writing from that place where there is no filter. And I have my friend to thank for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself and encouraging me to write from my heart. I’m finally beginning to find my tribe.

Cool

When I was younger there were words I used to express what I thought of things. Whatever was good was cool or groovy or far out. I never really used far out very often but I did use cool and groovy.

Now I still use cool when I think something is good and sometimes even resort to groovy. But the words used today I just can’t seem to put my head around. In fact, I just don’t like them. Words like awesome (unless said by Eddie Murphy in Bowfinger) or Bro or word. Or sayings like “It’s all good.” Awesome is probably my least favorite.

Everything is awesome from winning the lottery to coffee being on sale. That word is used too much for my liking. It is originally from the 16th-century meaning causing or inducing awe. It became popular in the 1980s referring to Frank Zappa’s song Valley Girl. You know, surfer/Valley Girl type, a general positive adjective meaning anything from “good” to “incredibly amazing”.

I guess that could also mean cool in a more modern way. I do hear the word cool used every now and then. But not half as much as awesome.

So why should it bother me so much and why do I feel a need to write about it? Well, maybe it’s because I want the world to be a bit more how it use to be and not so much how it is now. I am definitely guilty of watching too much of the news and being on my computer more than I should.

I use to think a lot of information about things was a good thing, even cool, but now I’m not so sure. I know I need to be aware to be socially conscious but sometimes it seems overwhelming. There is too much to fix and it will never be done. Everywhere I turn there seems to be sadness and destruction. I find myself gravitating towards any romantic comedy or old musical I can find to help me escape from too much information about the world today.

I love watching CBS Sunday Morning for that reason. It seems to find a way to show all the good things in the world. Wonderful stories about everyday people and their kindness towards one another. Or the interview of an author or celebrity that is out of the ordinary and actually very informative in an inspirational way.

Maybe if I lived in a smaller city it wouldn’t seem so in my face. But this is where my work is and my family. Expecting a grandson any day now is also probably the reason why I am questioning so many things. Ok, awesome may not be so bad….Lighten up Grandma.

2019

It’s been one whole year. 365 days. I can’t believe a year has gone by since I wrote a blog for Styled Inside Out. I’m not sure whether I should be very grateful I have been so busy working or if I should realize that time moves so fast and I feel like it’s been a blur. I have had the gift of having some down time where I have continued to fix up my house (never ending!), started painting, caught up on a lot of reading, joined up again at my beloved gym and organized my much neglected personal life. I have caught up with friends I haven’t seen in years and discovered I’m going to be a grandma. Wow, who says life isn’t busy? And that’s just since January!

However in my mind I feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel at the end of the day I have been slacking. I feel like I am slacking. I feel like the garage should finally be completely organized and every drawer almost empty. I have the time but I just can’t bring myself to fold my clothes like Marie Kondo. I don’t care how much time I have. I could only do that if I have a bottle of wine next to me. That is a full time job.

You know what else is full time without getting paid? Eating healthy. I went away for a week to learn how to cook more “vegan” and realized that is also an unpaid full time job. I know it’s better for you and I do feel better (and eight pounds lighter) but it doesn’t replace a hunk of brie, a baguette, butter, a pile of red grapes (seedless), and a beautiful glass of red wine. Do I feel great after eating that? Not so much. But it is magnificent while in the process. So I cheat every so often and tell myself life is short and time flies by.

One of the best things about going into 2019 is that I have had the luxury of being in my own home in my own bed. Watching the sunsets from my deck and even enjoying the rain we have desperately needed. The jasmine on my arboretum is about ready to bloom and I haven’t experienced that joy in a number of years because of being out of town. So here’s to you Marie Kondo. Spark joy!