Kris Evans – Styled Inside Out

My son and I were recently having the discussion which I’m sure every parent has with their children once they become adults. And that is what to do with their life once they have reached an age to become independent. I don’t think any child becomes totally independent regardless of their relationship with their parents whether it be financial or spiritual. There is that connection that exists from the moment they are born. Everyone wants to feel secure and loved and parents seem to be the first place one looks to find that bond.

I look at how my life has gone and sometimes question what would have happened if I didn’t meet a certain person or taken a specific job. My career has had it’s ups and downs like I’m sure many have experienced. It has been a cookie cutter collection of many places and adventures. I can’t say it is exactly what I thought it would have been but looking back I could have done a lot worse. Sure, I had my disappointments and as the old adage goes “If I knew then what I know now…” has crossed my mind more than I would have liked. But all in all I have been to incredible places and experienced a lot of once in a lifetime opportunities. And all of that done without ever having a full time job.

Which brings me back to my conversation with my son. Part of me completely understands why he has a bit of the gypsy in him. He is my son, after all and has watched me carry on without ever having a guaranteed job any longer than four or five months. Yet as his mother, knowing that times are different now and the world is not the same as when I was starting out, I want to know that he will choose a career that will make him happy but also safe and secure. And in writing this I realized my mother felt the same way for me when I was trying to find my way. She also told me that times had changed and I would probably have a tougher time.

Which leads me to believe that none of it is easy. Life is not easy. It is challenging and unpredictable and exciting all at the same time. It can knock you on your ass and it can make you sing with joy. And it is how we deal with whatever happens on any given day that keeps us living. I’m always told it’s about the journey because once you get where you think you want to be there’s still more. And more.

So in the end he will have to figure it out his way. I can try to guide and suggest and even blatantly tell him what to do or what is the best way but ultimately it is going to have to be his way. When I’m gone I want to know I have given him the tools in life to make it work no matter what. My sister sent me a quote from Robert Frost about life. “In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” Amen to that.

I have always loved nature. Any kind of nature. It never ceases to amaze me how it all unfolds season after season. You would think everyone would love nature. I mean, how could they not? Yet I see beautiful meadows one year and the next it is filled with a subdivision.

I use to live in Park City, Utah and when I first went there in the early 80’s there was one traffic light and one gas station. My husband and I were living in New York City at the time but were celebrating an anniversary and decided to take a drive up into the mountains after visiting his folks in Salt Lake City. We decided to go to Park City on a whim as we heard it was a beautiful spot. We stopped at the one gas station in town where there was a phone booth and the town’s phone book. There were no cell phones, no computers, no GPS, well, no nothing. We found a listing of Stein Eriksen Lodge (heaven in the mountains it said in the book) and decided to give it a shot.

After a long, winding drive up into what seemed like forever we came across a beautiful Swiss alps designed lodge nestled into a spectacular setting of snow kissed mountains. There was nothing else there but this lodge and because it was off season no one else was there. The restaurant was serving a traditional eight course European meal and each table had overstuffed armchairs. There was a blazing fire in the fireplace and the snow glisten outside our beautiful picture window.

Waking up in to morning and sitting on our deck I saw a herd of deer coming down the mountains. I turned to my husband and said that someday I would love to live here where nature and civilization seemed to learn how to live together. Ten years later we moved to Park City and our house had a view of the mountains from every window. I loved it. All ten years of it.

But life changed and it seemed more realistic to move to Los Angeles as my work was taking me there more and the commute was getting more difficult. Park City was growing too fast for my taste and civilization was taking over nature with large stores and wide highways. The phone booth was gone and Stein Eriksen Lodge was no longer the only thing in Deer Valley. In fact the deers were becoming less and less and man was becoming more and more.

This past weekend I spent with my sister on her five acres in Northern California. Looking out the window this morning I spotted a deer sitting among the trees. I thought of my house in Park City and how much I missed it and how much I loved nature. It gives me such a sense of calm and happiness. No planes, no cars, no construction. Just the sweet face of a deer and the gentle singing of the birds. That is the nature of the beast I love.

So the definition of success, according to dictionary.com, is the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals. Wow. That sounds kind of contradictory to me. Anytime the word termination is mentioned it always sounds so definite to me. That it is the end. Curtains, as they say. It does say favorable or prosperous which gives me hope. It means that you have finally reached your goal, whatever that may be. But for me, it never seems to be a possibility. I am always striving to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

When I was younger and looking to the future of what success in my field would look like it wasn’t what it has turned out to be. Don’t get me wrong. I have been very fortunate and have seen and experienced things that a kid from Cincinnati, Ohio could only have dreamed of happening. But once I reached a certain “goal” it never seemed to be what I thought it would be. It seemed the road to get there was a lot more exciting than when it actually happened. Or in my case, I seem to always wonder if I had ever achieved the initial goal in the first place. Things happened that were totally unexpected which was part of the excitement. And then it wasn’t. Failures lingered with me and often times made me feel like giving up.

I traveled at a break neck speed to try and prove that not only was I successful in my mind but in the mind of others. It was so important for me to look successful in the eyes of my peers, whatever that picture was, and in the process, started to lose the joy of why I decided to choose this path in the first place.

I still go about my work with the same focus as before as my innate nature is to have everything in order. Perfect and pristine. The mere thought of me being mortal and actually making a mistake keeps me reeling for weeks.

But something is starting to shift as I’ve gotten older. I have embraced a real tunnel vision for my work. I’m having a hard time dealing with all of the business outside of my immediate, creative process. I know it’s important and has to be dealt with but I’m finding that my real success is when I stay on the peripheral of the chaos and know that what is happening on the outside is going to happen whether I want it to or not. The real challenge is for me is to not engage in the panic and remain still in knowing that the reason why I am there is the work.

I know I will get caught up in the drama from time to time and quite frankly I get angry at myself for being swept up in it. But to succeed in any goal, I think, is to know the different between termination of one’s insecurities and the discovery of one’s soul. For me, that’s the real definition of success.

Author: Kris Evans

Life

Nature

Success