“I long, as every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” Maya Angelou
I just came home from being away four months. Things seemed different when I arrived and not because I have been gone for so long. Yes, my things were here and I recognized everything around me. The garden needed to be tended to and the house was not as clean as when I left it but all of that did not seem that important. What was different was I realized that, although my belongings were important to me, they didn’t have the same value as before.
As the time grows closer to my trip to Bali (almost like Bountiful!) I am starting to get anxious. Before Bali I am going to Vancouver to check out what is happening in one of my most favorite cities. It has what feeds my soul. The mountains. Love everything about them. Some people like the ocean which Vancouver also has but I feel safe with the mountains. I love the smell, the vastness, the mystery and the danger. They can be precious and they can be deadly. It shows you that regardless of how large you think you are, the mountains are so much more when you realize their power.
I have acquired a permanent residency to Canada so am looking to see what I will need to have the option of living in Canada or the United States or both. I know I have to be practical and look at all of my options but right now don’t know in which direction I will take. I see myself going back and forth enjoying the warmth of Southern California and the true change of seasons that Canada has to offer. I miss that and would love to have the best of both worlds.
I would love to have the option of being more patient with my insecurities about change and where I will be in five years. I see me changing in other ways and I want to feel comfortable in whatever happens. Not too comfortable as to become bored as I think that is what ages you faster than anything. You get bored, you stop caring, you make excuses and then you stop living. As dramatic as that seems it’s much truer than we would like to think. And it can be oh so easy when you’re tired or restless or just don’t know what the next step should be.
Bali will test my stamina for writing and how successful I will be will become apparent as the time goes on. Writing every week is one thing but writing every day is another. There are options I can take to not do it at all and just lounge for 28 days but that’s not me. I’m not as rambunctious as I used to be but I can still go the distance when I put my mind to it. It just takes a bit more prodding then it did years back. For me failure is harder when you know you don’t have all the time in the world. That proverbial clock is ticking whether or not I want to admit it. And I know this is not going to be an overnight adventure so the time card is going to have to be punched a lot more than a couple of times.
The unknown will be the trickiest option as I have no idea what to expect in Bali. All the people I have spoken to have said I will love Bali but I’m not going just to sight see. I guess I could have picked some place closer to get away and write. But if I’m going to do it why not take the option which will force me to jump off that mountain? Regardless of what happens it will be the option I have chosen for myself.
We are having our house painted. It’s been years since we did so I don’t remember the specifics I needed to know to have the work done. I tell myself, being a makeup artist, I am very good with picking color. But then again a house is much bigger than a face. Last time I was dead on but this time I wanted something different. Something more alive. Something not like other homes I have seen in the neighborhood. No, I didn’t go fire engine red but I did go a tad out of my comfort zone.
Color is a very strong word in so many ways. It can describe a canvas, a mood, an emotion or well, a color. We know all of the obvious. Red for anger, green for envy or jealous, black for death but also for chic, yellow for sunny and happy and white for pure. But then there are the hundreds of shades in between which makes choices tricky. More grey can change the color of green completely.