DisciplineIt seems any adventure I start always is exciting when I first begin.  The learning process is challenging and can be frustrating.  The more knowledge I acquire the more I want to know.  And sometimes that can get in the way of learning.   It is becoming more difficult to  keep my focus on any one thing for any length of time.

I am a big list maker because if I don’t write down everything that’s going on in my head I will never remember anything.  And with age the memory seems, at times, to be my worst enemy.  The frustration of not being able to remember things that use to be second nature can be infuriating.  And that’s where the discipline comes into play.  What use to come to me so easily is starting to be a thing of the past.

Now I refuse to buy into the excuse of age.  Just won’t do it.  I believe discipline plays the most essential part of living fully.  But I am finding my focus and restlessness is becoming more apparent.  I am the one with ten books next to my bed and magazines piled up because I refuse to throw away any knowledge I may be missing.  And that can lead to my lack of discipline in doing anything. It seems I am a jack of all trades,  but a master of none.  I have a lot of fun facts to know and tell at the next cocktail party that in short snippets can be impressive but in the big picture seems just that: cocktail talk.

This all leads to what I have found for me to be the biggest obstacle for discipline and that’s the technical world.  Can’t believe I’m saying that.  This coming from someone who has always gone the creative route and not so interested in the technical world.  Never was that passionate about math or science.  The arts was and still is my love and passion.  But I have been connected with something that has never been in my grasp.  Free and easy knowledge available to me 24 hours a day seven days a week.

I haven’t gone so crazy that everything I do is on my phone or my Ipad or my computer but just listing all of those tells me it isn’t far off.  I’m struggling not to make it the only way I can to get my knowledge.  I still have to have the New York Sunday Times in the paper form.  Love to sit with my morning coffee and physically turn the pages.  The Style section has great ads that don’t appear online and I find inspiration in seeing the design of those ads.  I love to page through a magazine and smell the ink from the fresh print.  Yes, there are still some magazines that actually still have that wonderful smell.

Maybe it’s keeping my past close to me that keeps me hanging on to what is becoming obsolete.  I keep saying how I want life to be simple and it is a lot easier to carry an Ipad with all the information I could possibly need than to carry newspapers or magazines or a book. But I’ll never give up what has made me happy for so long.  I just have to be disciplined not to let it overwhelm me.

This may sound a bit silly to think something like this could be overwhelming but it sets off a reminder of what else is swirling in my head of things that need to get done.  With my tendency to be pulled away by just about any shiny object too many choices can leave me feeling like I have kept busy but accomplished very little.  Guilt has a way of rearing it’s ugly head when I let too many days go by without my yoga or meditation or keeping tracking of healthy eating or anything else I tried to accomplish to feel better and enjoy my private moments.

When discipline, however, leads to guilt I have to step back and realize that what I am trying to accomplish in my everyday life is suppose to make me feel better not less.  I have to be disciplined enough to give myself a break without slacking off so much that I don’t continue to do anything at all.  The art of discipline I am trying to discover and learn from is to know the difference and be kind to myself.