Yak, yak, yak. Sometimes it seems that is what I’m hearing all day long. Doesn’t matter if I’m in the grocery store, at work or alone. There always seems to be chatting inside my head and around me. Different scenarios come into play whether from disappointment, anger, jealousy or confusion.
I am trying not to engage in the rhetoric which seems to creep into my everyday life. Someone does something that is inappropriate (according to whomever!) but seems perfectly ok with them. I once did a film that involved a despicable character. I asked the actor how he was able to play such a horrible human being. He gave me a book to read with some very deep and moving essays. I was shocked to find out they were written by Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini. Not to say I am looking to emulate their teachings! God forbid. My point is that when looking at your own perspective of things it seems you can justify any behavior. I have come to always say to myself that I can’t control what is outside of me. I can only control how I react.
Sometimes when talking negatively about situations to someone else whether out of frustration or terrible habit, it always seems to sooner or later bite me in the ass. That is to say regardless of how diplomatic I try to be or even to just comment on the event, inevitably my opinion finds its way back to the source of contention as taken out of text or just plain wrong. The discussion has then turned into a nightmare. And I am not proud of the fact that over the years I have allowed myself to get sucked into the drama.
I have learned from the past that if I engage in that kind of rhetoric, all it does is hide what I should be doing in order to live the life I want to live. In other words, in the end, it does nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. It just reminds me of what may be wrong with them (yet again a judgement statement not necessarily correct) but more importantly what is missing from me. What I should be doing is focusing on what makes me happy and not what everyone else is doing. Or focus on how I can be positive about situations instead of what I think is missing.
In the world of social media gossip has become much easier because it can happen behind closed doors. The hurt can be done without taking any of the responsibility for the damage it has caused. I wish for a gentler world where people can talk about the real issues that make for a better life. Can’t say it’s easy but at least that word would be much easier to spread and much more productive.