I don’t always trust my intuition. You know, that gut feeling. That voice that says run in the opposite direction. When your brain starts making excuses and tries to shove “that feeling” out of the way. I consider myself somewhat astute but for some reason when it comes to following my instinct I let my emotions get in the way. I let the outside world enter into my head and start to justify why I should be doing what I am doing.
I’m sure it has something to do with trust. I’ve always had a hard time with trust. As a child you are willing to trust, in fact, you want to trust, but when that trust is abused it’s hard to get it back. It happened to me at an early age. Raised by a single mom who said she didn’t trust anyone, she was just trying to find some way to protect herself. She was alone and scared and too afraid to trust her intuition. It hadn’t worked in the past so she wasn’t going to rely on it when she found herself raising four kids on her own. And the rest of her life she continued to look for that security from the outside world, not from within. I think the world is a different place, especially for women, where opportunities are more prevalent than back then. I would have loved to seen my mom now with her tenacity. I think she would have trusted her instincts more and been happier in her life.
But from her I learned survivor instincts and that has taken me a long way. I was determined to allow myself the opportunity to choose what I wanted to learn and where I wanted to go in my career. That was a sure thing to find my way and my intuition honed in on what I needed to do. I set my sights on where I wanted to be and I knew that if I trusted my instincts it would happen. For the most part it has with a few glitches here and there. And those glitches happened when I didn’t listen to that voice. I stayed in situations testing how long I could flirt with letting my mind make the decision instead of my heart. And I have to say every time I didn’t win.
Now looking back I realize that regardless of how smart we think we are or how much we trust everything is going to work it self out emotions are the only thing we can fall back on. They are the only thing that never lies. People say not to get too emotional about situations but I find that if we really check in on what our emotions are telling us they are right on the money. I know that is a very tricky statement but I have found it, in my life, to be true. Because intuition comes from emotion; that gut feeling. It comes immediately without hesitation. I know it. I feel it. I sometimes just don’t trust it. For me, it has never lied and now I am determined to act on that instinct. Now, more than ever, I am going to trust my intuition, my emotions, to help guide me through my life. It’s certainly not easy. I know I will screw up from time to time but my intuition tells me it’s the only way to live. It’s the only way to really know what it’s like to be free.