Author: Kris Evans

Insecurity

Kris Evans

InsecurityThis has quite a loaded meaning.  It can pertain to so many things that it’s hard to narrow it down to a clear meaning.  The dictionary says it is the uncertainty or anxiety about oneself, lack of confidence.  It also has a second meaning which is the state of being open to danger or threat or lack of protection.

The second definition really hit me.  Lack of protection seems like a synonym for vulnerability. And anytime I allow myself to feel vulnerable I feel very insecure.  I start to question whether my decisions are the right ones not for me but for everyone else involved.  Again co-dependency rears its ugly head and I will fret over every minuet detail.  I will lose sleep, overeat and just beat myself up if I feel I have made the wrong decision.  And if I feel I have and can’t seem to erase the outcome then I will beat myself up for failing.

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Fate

Kris Evans

FateI will be traveling to Sochi, Russia to work at the Olympics and for the first time after six Olympics I’m a bit concerned about all of the security warnings.  My client is well known and I know that the company I will be working with has done everything possible to insure the games will go smoothly and without any incident.

However, we are dealing with a force that doesn’t care about the Olympics or world peace or for that matter anything else but their belief.  They feel so strongly about it that they are willing to die for their cause.  It has happened on such a regular basis that the weight of their act seems almost like an everyday occurrence.  We view them on the evening news like it’s another TV show or movie which tries to emulate life through art.  Sometimes I feel it’s just too much and art and life become one in the same.

But this is where I think fate steps in and allows me to realize regardless of what I do what is going to happen is going to happen.  Don’t mistake  that I am unaware of being stupid in putting myself in harm’s way.  If I step in front of a moving truck and am hit I will probably not fare so well.  But if I decide to go about living my life as I feel I need to in order to experience what life has in store for me than I need to rest on the idea that fate will be what it will be.

I am not a practicing Catholic but I was raised with a very strong belief that there is a God and I must answer to that in my everyday life.  I can say that I am not “practicing” but you can bet I will travel to Russia with my St Christopher medal.  St. Christopher is the patron saint of protection and my medal given to me by my mom will be safely tucked in my wallet.  I also pray to St Anthony when I lose something and although it hasn’t always worked I have to say he has a pretty good track record.  Oh yeah, I do say “St Anthony, St Anthony, look around.  Something’s lost and must be found.” So regardless who your St Anthony is, someone or something, I’m sure, presents itself to you to help you find your way.  Even an atheist, I think, has some kind of ritual to help them along through life.  Not sure what that is but I truly believe we all need that helping hand.

And so, as fate would have it, I will be on that plane bound for Sochi.  Over the  years I have been on many planes around the world and have arrived safely back to my home.  My fate has had a pretty good track record.  Don’t want to jinx it, but I have a strong feeling my fate will carry me to the games and back again with wonderful stories.  Fate will have me meet wonderful and colorful people and I will be a better person for my  adventures.  I want to believe we are one and have the same desire to be happy and fulfilled.  I am always working at that being my fate.

 

 

Stress

Kris Evans

StressI picked up a booklet years ago called Success Without Stress by Guy Finley.  It was based on the teachings of Vernon Howard who was a spiritual leader back when the internet wasn’t really used as a vehicle to get out “the message”.  You found these gems in a bookstore or at a thrift shop or even a garage sale.  It didn’t necessarily reach millions at the time but his writings are now kept alive by going online and reading his teachings.

I have read this book a number of times and for some reason thought I had understood it’s message but in looking back obviously it went in one ear and out the other.  In reading it again recently I was floored by how so much information was what I have been reading from the now prominent spiritual leaders.  He was and is saying the exact same thing but the book was published in 1988!  I mean the exact same ideology!  Where was I back then?  What was I thinking?  Was I sleeping?

Yep, I guess I was.  Or maybe was not willing to do the work it takes to really be aware of how “the inner determines the outer”.  Sounds so easy and yet is quite profound.  It truly eventually leads to self-release.  And that is paramount in decreasing stress in your life.  Any real stress can only take hold if you allow it to get into your mind.  How I perceive the situation is how I will allow it  to create havoc in my life.

To begin living a stress free life I really had to look at how I actually was and not how I imagined I was.  My mind told me that if I was successful that would guarantee me a less stressful life.  So I jumped in and became, in my mind, somewhat successful.  Key here: in my mind.  But then I became more stressful fearing I would lose my success and all that entails.  My mind was very busy deciphering when it was all going to go away and fearing the loss.  That victory was suppose to free me from the original stress!  What a rat race!

Now I am learning that if you have stress you are not successful, no matter how much you have achieved.  Because you are not at ease with yourself.  Straight from Mr. Finley and Vernon Howard.  Plain as day on the page and yet I read it and reread it over the years and am just starting to absorb it and live it.  What a relief!  I am grateful that I at least am looking at this gem of a small booklet and really comprehending and feeling what it has been patiently trying to tell me all these years.

Finally, the section on self observation really hit me.  It told me to be aware of my physical self.  At that moment I relaxed my shoulders.  Hadn’t even noticed they were up around my ears.  And then it said, “Neither condemn nor approve anything you see in yourself.  Reveal yourself to yourself.  Seek revelation not repetition.”  So above all,  instead of telling the truth where I want to go, I’m letting the truth take me where I need to be.  Stress free.