Fear and Frustration

I don’t know which is worse. They seem to go hand and hand. I have this burning desire in me to speak out and teach. I know a lot about style and how to “put it together” on the outside but inside I am not so “put together”. My idea of perfection and how it should look keeps me from doing. And my world has been all about perfection or my idea of perfection. And that idea keeps me fearful enough to remain frozen in my true desire. And day after day after day the frustration grows and the fear of not being good enough keeps me from doing anything.

But now I’m done. I’m really done. It has taken years of wondering when my inside is going to finally burst to the idea of making it happen. I can’t exactly tell what it has been to really bring me to this place but I’m here and raw. I’ve recently worked on my external self to be able to appear to know what it is I want to teach. The ideas have been swirling around in my head but nothing has been cohesive enough to put into a plan. So instead of taking even more time to make it just right (of course my idea of what is just right) I’m through procrastinating and ready to jump in completely.

It starts with loving yourself. Looking at what I like about myself instead of what I don’t like. I always tend to have the internal dialogue of how I should change for the better. And the better is??? I have to practice being more kind to myself. The advice I would give to my best friend is the advice I should be practicing. I can start a positive cycle by feeling grateful for all the ways I am naturally fortunate. I have always had an eye for design and color and a sense of style. I was lucky enough to be born with it. I didn’t come from money and grew up in a world that was so far away from the world of art and fashion. But I have thrived in that world for many years. And I realize it’s not arrogant to admit my gift.

I now need to ask myself what do I love about my inner self and my personality? If I want someone to feel completely loved by me what would I do? And have I ever done that for myself? Only when I can start to make this a daily occurrence for me will I be able to go out and teach this to others.

The time is now for all of us. The change begins with me.