I am always reading other people’s blogs and articles and books about how important it is to be grateful.  I must admit that sometimes I don’t particularly like them.  It is usually at a time when something has happened that doesn’t seem fair or necessary to experience in life.  Then I start to feel that reading and listening to all this seems ludicrous.  It should just be a given.

But my mind is not that clever even at this age and my ego starts to creep into my psych.  I make all the excuses of why I should feel sorry for myself and not realize how fortunate I am.  After all, I’ve worked hard for what I have.  Nothing has come that easily for me.  My determination and hard work have made me what I am today.

Ah, but then I stop and think about that someone who is waiting for their big break or just looking for a job.  I got my big break and I do have a job.  I have an education.  I have a beautiful home.  But most important I have my health and opportunities I never thought I would have coming from where I came from growing up.

Speaking of my health, a dear friend of mine recently had a health scare and thankfully she seems to be doing just fine.  But the days when it was touch and go and we weren’t sure what it was,  I was given the opportunity to take stock of where I’ve been and where I am now.

I had cancer ten years ago and luckily today I am cancer free.  In the interim of not knowing where the diagnosis was going to take me I had a hard time feeling grateful.  Gratitude wasn’t even on my radar.  The “why me?” was more the dialogue in my head.  The thought of not being around when my son’s future was just beginning to take shape was overwhelming to me.  And when I was given the clean bill of health gratitude came rushing back to me.

I give thanks everyday for my sister who’s strength, even at the height of adversity, is still showing me there is so much to be thankful for no matter how chaotic life can be on any given day.  She shows me how to turn lemons into lemonade.  As trite as that saying may be it sums up simply how much she means to me.

Right now in my life, at this very moment, I want to be grateful for just being.  No bells or whistles.  Just grateful to hear beautiful music played by my son or laughter from anywhere or sitting peacefully and thinking about absolutely nothing.

I think meditating is finally starting, bit by bit , to sneak into my mind and my attitude.  I am not reacting so quickly to the drama of everyday life or maybe I’m focusing on just being happy.  And all I can do is try my best.

So I’m just going to say thanks for my life as it is right now.  And for these tears of gratitude.  Thanks.

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