LilaLila or Leela, as it is sometimes spelled, is Sanskrit for play, spontaneity or sport.  I am trying to get more lila in my life.  I use to be very “lilaful” when I was younger, looking to new adventures and possibilities.  I felt I had a path and purpose to what I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life.

I realize now the “rest of my life” can be a pretty long time.  I am grateful for having my health and  the opportunity to have seen many amazing places and things in my years but now I’m having a harder time trying to be playful.

You would think after raising a child, securing a career and being at a place where I can somewhat relax I would be content to just be.  But my busy mind keeps me aware of the fact that I have enough time to embark on many different endeavors.  I just can’t seem to nail down anything in particular so the feeling of being in limbo is just as frustrating if not more than  knowing what you want but not being able to have it.

I know I’m not alone.  It seems many people I speak to feel the same way.  It’s not that they don’t enjoy what they are doing it’s just that they feel they are not living to their fullest potential.  I still feel like I have a lot to offer and have this burning desire to teach and travel.  That would be my play!  I want to fire up the juices again that made me ambitious in the first place!  So much to say and so little time!

I want to find the Peter Pan in me again.  I don’t necessarily want to get a tattoo or dye my hair blue to show the child in me but I don’t want to lose the joy of life that makes even the simplest things sublime. To dream and look for fresh inspiration.  That is play at its finest at any age.

The recent passing of Robin Williams was so sad on so many levels.  He was the epitome of play and he tried every moment to live that joy.   I admire that.  His talent and gentleness and kindness was his way of trying to survive.  Thank God I don’t suffer from the depression he endured and I am able to pull myself up and dust myself off when things don’t always go my way.  I just need to remember that when the cloud passes I still have the choice and presence of mind to choose play.  To choose life.

Lila hum.  I am playful.


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