Recently I have been having a hard time feeling secure. Secure in my relationships, my job, and my life. The world is pretty crazy right now on so many levels and I believe this has something to do with me feeling so unsettled. What I thought was going to be a smooth transition into slowing down has not been possible. I am determined to create more space in my life and teach more.
I enjoy my work and the people I meet. It is long hours and much harder than most people think. I’ve grown accustomed to the pace but yearn to have more free time to write. And the only one who is going to give me that opportunity is me. I have to feel secure enough to say no and follow that inner voice. It is a bit overwhelming because it is like starting all over again. Jumping in and hoping it will all reveal itself in the best possible light.
I have to go after my plight with the same enthusiasm I had in my youth. No was never an option. I felt I could do anything and just kept plodding away towards my goals. The goals are different now and though I have all the know how to do it all over again, I have to find that inner strength I had so long ago. As we grow older we wonder if we have it in us to start a new wheel turning. There are days when I think it would be so much easier to keep doing what is certain for me. Where everything has it’s place and there are the certainty and security of making a living.
I don’t want to be on my death bed and disappointed that I didn’t do everything I felt I was meant to do. There is that voice that keeps whispering my deepest desires. The insecurity I feel is only in my head. Every time I tiptoe outside of my comfort zone I know it’s the right direction. I just have to keep pushing toward that end.
The restlessness sometimes makes me edgy and tired but I know it’s the direction I have to go in in order to make sense of it all.
We all have insecurities regardless of how confident we appear. Do you find you are talking yourself into doing something even though you’re not clear? And most of the time isn’t your insecurity from someone questioning your dream? I want that space where what people think or say doesn’t dictate who I am and where I am going. I know my path is a good one and there is definitely security in believing in me.