Author: Kris Evans

Power

Kris Evans

BuddhaPower is a tough one to handle.  Power can have so many meanings.  We go about our lives trying to do what’s best for ourselves, our loved ones and even the world.  I believe that the majority of the population has good intentions at heart.   They want to make the world a better place.  Time and time again when disaster hits people come out in droves to help tirelessly for their fellow man.  There is an innate feeling inside that really wants to do the right thing.  There is a need to give back to feel one has a purpose.

When I am looking for my way I want to sense a feeling of power to push through the obstacles.  When the need arises I find power I didn’t even know existed.  It gives me a sense of security and a new found strength that seems like it can last forever and yet it is fleeting.  Sometimes it gives me false security where ego takes over and it’s as if nothing can touch me.  I am infallible to anything that can harm me.  And then it does.  Things come crashing down and anger sets in.  I feel as though the world is against me and I’ve been wronged.  I feel as if I have been singled out and am alone in my struggles.  Why me? I ask.  Why are they doing this to me?

And then my sensibility sets in and I realize that my power has gotten out of hand.  My focus has gotten a bit blurred and I realize that my ego has taken over.  I know that I have overcome obstacles that seem daunting but it doesn’t make me less human.  When I allow my power to overtake me I lose sight of the big picture.  And as the years pass, and they pass so much quicker as you age, the importance of power shifts.  I find that there is a quieter power.  An inner power that just keeps nudging me along.  Not to say that frustration doesn’t set in and whisper it’s doubt.   The power is not as physical as it once was but not any less present.  It’s more an inner power with the voices that are reassuring me it will be alright if I just have the power of patience.

There are so many ways power can go.  Countries go to great lengths to show their power.  I believe the more we try to outwardly show our power the less power we have.  We don’t show our strength.  We show our vulnerability.  That’s where I believe true power lies.  When we are vulnerable that’s when kindness and faith and hope and dreams are the most powerful.

Clearance

Kris Evans

ClearanceClearance has some odd definitions. One definition is an amount of space between two things that keep them from touching each other. Wow. That’s quite an interesting take on the word. Clearance of relationships seems rather poignant when you look at them as not touching each other.

I have been looking at my relationships more closely recently. I am not as social as I use to be when I was younger. I value my time alone as being somewhat a haven from the flurry of everyday life. I use to embrace the activity with much more fervor than I do now. I’m not quite sure it’s because I am usually around so much chatter at work that in my downtime the quiet is a nice respite. I have also started to say no to things that are not of my best interest at heart. I have looked at opportunities lately as for whether or not they are a positive reinforcement for my self-respect. The financial fear has always kept me places longer than was best for me. Now with my son off on his own, I don’t feel such a need to grasp at everything to make ends meet. I want to clear away anything touching me that doesn’t feel right.

I was always worried whether or not people liked me or I said the right thing so I would be accepted and needed. Co-dependency has an odd way of clearing away a part in your heart that knows the right answer but is afraid to face it. That self-doubt of whether what you say is going to be accepted and greeted positively has always been on the back burner of my thoughts. The spiritual venues of love, patience, and forgiveness are vital to making a clear path but it is not so easy to apply. They are abstract terms which I am constantly trying to grasp in a much deeper way than in my mind. Maybe it is the clearance of my heart and mind that makes it so difficult?

Another meaning given to clearance is the official permission that allows someone to do something. A get out of jail free card. An opportunity to clear out the negative and make room for what will make a difference in the way we live. I have definitely made some mistakes when given the “official permission” and taken advantage of the opportunity. Probably from not focusing on those spiritual venues.

And then there is the process of removing things that are not wanted or used. I prefer to use this meaning as a positive venture. Otherwise, my applications can become so glum that it becomes self-indulgent. And then where is that self-respect? Paring down and making life simple to enjoy the beauty of the moment when you least expect it allows you to subconsciously remove the stuff that has been around for way too long.

It gives new meaning to can’t see the forest for the trees. What we need can be right in front of us if we just give ourselves official permission to clear away the junk and do what we need to do to find the ultimate happiness.

Ageless

Kris Evans

kris-alexOk, let’s talk about age.  I mean really talk about age.  So many articles are written about how to look and feel younger.  How to defy what happens to us as we grow older.  What vitamins to take, what water to drink, what food to eat, what doctor to see, what retirement plan to look for in order to be taken care of when “the time comes.”

Wow, I feel dead already!  I am certainly not ready to call it a day but it seems everywhere we look there is a message about growing older.  So I’m not able to stand for 14 hours anymore without my back hurting but does that mean I should be put out to pasture?  Our society here in the United States seems to have the Benjamin Buttons syndrome.  Let’s be born old but God forbid let’s not die old!  Let’s go back to our youth so that we can understand things at a young age that we couldn’t possibly understand then.

I don’t know if I would have wanted all that information when I was young.  It was tough enough just being able to make sure I was liked and got my homework done and I was able to be in the high school variety show.  Now that seems so easy but back then it was life or death.  I was able to put so much weight on the most trivial things and my excuse was I was young and just going through a phase.

So why now that I’m a responsible adult who has been through a lifetime of experiences, can I not say I’m going through a phase? Why can’t I express my opinion and be able to react in a certain way when I see someone not being nice or respectful not just because of my age but just because it’s the right thing to do.

When I was younger we had to call everyone older than us (my parent’s age) Mr and Mrs out of respect.  Don’t expect that now but would like everyone regardless of age to take a moment and just enjoy each other.  No agenda, no Facebook page, no twitter remark.  Just good old fashion conversation.  Call me crazy but I still like to talk on the phone and hear people’s voices.  I prefer to tell them I’m sorry in person or on the phone instead of emailing.  I still like sending thank you cards when someone invites me to their home for dinner or give my homemade candles to people just because I like to give them gifts.  No reason.  It just makes me feel good and hopefully makes them feel good too.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I am certainly no saint.  I lose my temper in traffic and get impatient when things don’t go the way I wish they would.  I’m really trying not to let things get to me.  But when my feelings get hurt I still act like a wounded child even though at my age I should know better.  Emotions are timeless and regardless of how much we can read or practice yoga or meditate hurt is hurt and it’s tough not to be affected by it.

So now  I find myself taking more deep breaths and trying to let it go.  Still wakes me up at night (I could say it’s hormones…so much easier but it really is the combination of hormones and hurt and fear).  I look good for my age (so I’m told) and regardless of how I can pretend I don’t care and will be happy no matter what happens, I do care.  I care for my own sense of self.  I care because I don’t want to give up on loving life.  I want to use my experiences as a gauge of what I don’t know and how every day I want to learn more.

They say age is a state of mind.  Well, tell the body that because my body is not what it use to be.  I still exercise, take my vitamins and dress up.  I will continue to go on trying to make my style inside and out ageless.   Take that brave new world!