I caught a cold. Haven’t had one in quite a while. I usually don’t get sick and not happy when something grips me. Again patience or lack of it wanders in because I think I’ve been negligent and not taken good care of myself.
I am determined to start the new year off with doing things for me which will have a positive effect on my thinking. But then I go cold when it comes to knowing exactly what I want to do with my life. I could make the apparent list of meditation, yoga, good diet, reading thought provoking books as well as silly nonsense literature but let’s be real. It leaves me cold. I get fed up with trying to do what I think I should do. I loose sleep over thinking how unproductive I am. I’m not talking about work. That’s a given. I’m expected to produce and paid to produce so it just happens. No choice.
But when it comes to being disciplined for myself I seem to take a back seat. No ones fault but my own. My thought pattern has been one way for so long that it is really difficult to switch it up. Guilt seeps in, I freeze and end up doing very little. I have stacks of things to read and lists of thing to do and heaps of films to watch. Then the sun goes down and I have been busy but not sure what has taken the day.
There has been times when I have just buckled down and move through the fair weather and the rainy weather and the cold weather of life and come back feeling good that I have checked it off of my list. But what will it take for me to just warm up to the fact that it’s ok for once to lighten up? That all of those “plans” I keep having just unfold to be what they are. Period. I read somewhere when certain things happening in your life that are hard that the choice you have made will bring you to the other side of calm. Clear, cold calm. I need to put that on my list.