I never have required much sleep but nowadays I’m lucky I get five hours a night. I have tried everything short of sleeping pills but still can’t seem to quiet the voices in my head.When I was younger I was always the one who was never able to focus. I spent more time out in the hallway than I did in class. I used humor to hide the fact that I couldn’t concentrate longer than ten minutes at a time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn. I just couldn’t focus on the task at hand. I was always two or three steps ahead anticipating what was going to happen next. Nowadays they call it ADD but back then I was a “handful”.
I am a big list maker. I have to multi-task at work and making lists seem to be the way I can keep everything straight. Sometimes I have a hard time concentrating because of lack of sleep. I have tried meditation, melatonin, caffeine-free anything and whatever else it takes to quiet my mind.
I recently had a “float” session. You lay in a large tub covered with a lid filled with salt water. Lots of salt. It’s like the mini Dead Sea. Sort of like a tomb. So not only do I have numerous voices in my head but I’m claustrophobic. Didn’t think I would last more than ten minutes. My attention span. It is dark and completely silent.
After those illustrious ten minutes and I realized I wasn’t going to drown, my shoulders finally relaxed and I fell into a deep sleep. I mean I checked out. Like in surgery. Like being drugged. I stayed that way of not knowing how long. I had lost all sense of time. When I finally did come back it was because I felt a chill. Otherwise, I probably would still be floating.
I wish I could retain that state out of the pod. I didn’t have any aches or pains from my back, didn’t feel stiff and realized that I could if only briefly, experience real relaxation. I kept telling myself I could have at least some of that peace if I just trusted myself and my decisions. They may not always go the way I want them to but they have been made with deep thought and consideration for having a better life.
I have to say I was feeling rather blue today not being home and feeling alone so thought the best thing to do was “float” to a yoga class in my favorite neighborhood. I love the space and the warm smile from the woman who checked me in made me want to cry. And during the class I did. I floated through the yoga class determined to look at the brighter side. After all, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and lightness from love should be in the air. My yoga teacher left all of us beautiful small cards with a simple heart that shimmered. And float.