I use to have a hard time with silence.  I was one to always be on the go.  Didn’t like having any free time to think.  Silence meant an opportunity to think about what was wrong with my life.

When I was in high school I was a member of every club that was offered to make sure my time was always occupied with activity.  I didn’t want to think too much so keeping busy kept me untouched and unaware of my deep emotions.  My home life wasn’t the best so constant chatter and noise was a way of dealing with anything that was unpleasant.  Denial kept silence at bay.

I chose a profession that relies on constant conversation whether it be in a trailer with numerous people or on a set where dialogue is always heard.  It has also been a wonderful way to express my creativity and I have had an enormous amount of success in fulfilling my dream.

But with that said now I know that the only way I can fulfill my dream of being happy and content is to welcome silence whenever I can.  I am here with my sister to help her after major knee surgery and this has been a lesson of reflecting and admitting.  She lives in a beautiful rural area of California where right outside her window I see horses grazing.  At night the only sound I hear are the frogs croaking in the pond left from the rain.  Needless to say, it is quiet.

My lifestyle has been pretty hectic especially recently with living in Vancouver and Los Angeles but it has been completely my choice.  I am grateful to have my house and also have a full time job for now.  Being freelance never allows you to relax as far as the future goes but taking time out to be silent has somewhat helped me to quiet the voices in my head if only for a brief moment.  Sometimes I’m successful.  The silence here has helped me to get on with business.

The next couple of months are going to be very telling as to where my life will be going and I believe I need some silence now more than ever.  Because in focusing on the reasons why I do what I do and the feelings I have because of it I have begun to find silence a glorious respite.  Silence and gratitude can be a beautiful formula for happiness.

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