IMG_0228I’ve been away at a place that if five years ago you told me I would be going  I would have said no way.  But times have changed and I have become much more open to trying the unknown.  Fear is a very slippery slope and I always seem to go down that slope once too often.  The sheer thought of not being able to make my way in anything, be it making a living, making a life altering decision or just making a new raw food dish has, in the past, scared the bejesus out of me.

More often than not it was from fear of failing.  And with that fear came visions of the worse happening.  When I checked into Optimum Health Institute I was pretty afraid.  Most people looking at me would never have known.  I’ve gotten really good at appearing very confident but I go over every scenario and how it is going to play out in my mind before I ever show up.

So you can imagine the fear I had when they told me I was going to do three “implants” a day.  One with water and two with wheat grass.  I won’t get too graphic about the implants.  I’ll leave that up to your imagination but it’s pretty clear.  I was there to detox, mostly from caffeine, but I learned I was going to be releasing a lot more.

First day on salads wasn’t so bad.  Lots of water,  4 oz of wheat grass, some stuff call Rejuvelac, which was not my favorite, and that was it.  Oh yeah, and the “implants”.  God, who would pay for this?  But I was there by my own choice and had met people who had been coming there every year for twenty years so there must be a reason.  There had to be something that kept pulling them back.

I don’t do juice fasts but that’s what was in store for me for the next two and a half days.  Before I would have taken people’s eyes out but for some strange reason it wasn’t that bad.  Shocking, I must admit.

When we were finally able to eat again it was vegetables and a very small cup of soup.  I found I really didn’t want to eat that much.  I was experiencing intense pain in my hips.  So much so I couldn’t sleep for two days.  Needless to say I had a hard time getting through the numerous classes which taught us not only about our bodies but our minds.  I knew that pain was caused somewhat by the massive caffeine I had consumed over the years but I must admit a lot of it was also emotional.  It seemed I was flushing out my fear of what was going to be the rest of my life.

What did that look like?  Well, they had a Talent Show at the end of the week and I got up and sang in front of about 60 people with no music and I didn’t die.  I use to sing publicly years ago and had opportunities to perform since but fear set in.  In a big way.  But not that Friday night at the OHI Talent Show.  I got up, faced my fear that made me sick to my stomach and sang.  And it was great.  I realized I did have a voice.  Not just to speak but to sing.  Loud and clear.

Bring on the wheat grass.


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