I never have required much sleep but nowadays I’m lucky I get five hours a night.  I have tried everything short of sleeping pills but still can’t seem to quiet the voices in my head.When I was younger I was always the one who was never able to focus.  I spent more time out in the hallway than I did in class.  I used humor to hide the fact that I couldn’t concentrate longer than ten minutes at a time.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn.  I just couldn’t focus on the task at hand.  I was always two or three steps ahead anticipating what was going to happen next.  Nowadays they call it ADD but back then I was a “handful”.

I am a big list maker.  I have to multi task at work and making lists seem to be the way I can keep everything straight.  Sometimes I have a hard time concentrating because of lack of sleep.  I have tried meditation, melatonin, caffeine free anything and whatever else it takes to quiet my mind.

I recently had a “float” session.  You lay in a large tub covered with a lid filled with salt water. Lots of salt. It’s like the mini Dead Sea. Sort of like a tomb.  So not only do I have numerous voices in my head but I’m claustrophobic.  Didn’t think I would last more than ten minutes.  My attention span. It is dark and completely silent.

After those illustrious ten minutes and I realized I wasn’t going to drown, my shoulders finally  relaxed and I fell into a deep sleep.  I mean I checked out.  Like in surgery.  Like being drugged.  I stayed that way not knowing how long.  I had lost all sense of time.  When I finally did come back it was because I felt a chill.  Otherwise I probably would still be floating.

I wish I could retain that state out of the pod.  I didn’t have any aches or pains from my back, didn’t feel stiff and realized that I could, if only briefly, experience real relaxation.  I kept telling myself I could have at least some of that peace if I just trusted myself and my decisions.  They may not always go the way I want them to but they have been made with deep thought and consideration for having a better life.

I have to say I was feeling rather blue today not being home and feeling alone so thought the best thing to do was “float” to a yoga class in my favorite neighborhood.  I love the space and the warm smile from the woman who checked me in made me want to cry.  And during the class I did.  I floated through the yoga class determined to look at the brighter side.  After all Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and a lightness from love should be in the air.  My yoga teacher left all of us beautiful small cards with a simple heart that shimmered.  And float.

Leave a Reply