I’ve been away at a place that if five years ago you told me I would be going I would have said no way. But times have changed and I have become much more open to trying the unknown. Fear is a very slippery slope and I always seem to go down that slope once too often. The sheer thought of not being able to make my way in anything, be it making a living, making a life altering decision or just making a new raw food dish has, in the past, scared the bejesus out of me. Continue reading
I haven’t written in a while not because I didn’t want to but because I was stuck. Didn’t really know what to write about. Everything seemed to already been said and God knows there’s enough out there to keep everyone busy reading about just stuff. The negative, the positive, the obvious and the not so obvious. And me, well, I guess I just didn’t have much to say. Call it head in the clouds or just plain fatigue but everything I thought about didn’t seem worth writing about.
With that said on the day before Easter, I began thinking about rebirth. About having another chance to do it right. Years have gone by and I seem to be waking up to something new and fresh. It’s not without its fear of the unknown but it’s also a way of trying again. Trying to live in the moment and really seeing what is all around me. The simplest of flowers and the expanse of the sky. I have always worried about being trite in my thinking. Of not being real or honest. And yet I told myself everything would turn out alright if I just wished hard enough. I tried to control the outcome. But I’m finding that the outcome will be what it will be no matter what.
I know I can control things to a certain extent but then I have to get out of my way and know whatever happens will be for the better. Something will appear where there seems like nothing and it will be more than I could ever wish for. I guess that’s what rebirth is all about. To know that there is always an opportunity to start anew even if I’ve screwed up. To know that whatever happens, I’ve finally gone with my gut. For me. Not that I’m not aware of everything and everyone around me. Just that I am now aware how all of that affects me. I am responsible for my well being and really knowing there is always an opportunity to start again. Fresher, clearer and with eyes wide open.
That’s a strange word for me especially now. I have always been very independent out of sheer necessity. Even as a child I didn’t have much of a choice. My mom was busy trying to make it as a single mother in the sixties which wasn’t all that common so I was pretty much left to figure it out. Continue reading